Across the Room
by everybreatheverymove
Summary: He's here with that stupid intern and it's all her fault. She knows it's true, she knows it's her own fault that she's hurting. But maybe, just maybe, the night won't end so sadly for her.


"What do you mean, you don't know where she is?!" The groom calls, running a hand over his face and pacing across the room anxiously.

Bailey's cousin shrugs, "I mean, I don't know where she is!" She tells him simply, resting her hands on her hips, "Look, it's- It's all gonna be OK."

Ben raises his eyebrows and glances at her, "How can it be okay if nobody knows where she is?"

She ignores his question and picks up her phone again to call Miranda again.

Across the room, April eyes the group curiously. What the hell was going on?

Meredith stands up from her seat and walks over to the redhead, "Hey, you doing OK?" She asks, slightly gesturing behind the woman. April spins and spots Jackson talking to that intern again. God, what was she thinking? If she'd never set her up as his date, this wouldn't be happening. He wouldn't have his complete time and attention occupied by the pretty brunette.

She scratches the back of her neck, "It's- I'm fine." She fakes a smile and shakes her head, "Do you know what's going on?"

"Bailey's gone. Callie thinks she might have said something or whatever, I don't know. It's a long story." Her phone suddenly beeps and she reads the caller ID, "It's the nurse who's watching Zola. Sorry." She excuses herself and walks away, answering her phone.

Great, alone again. She thinks that maybe she should have just come with Jackson. Maybe that way there wouldn't be any awkwardness and he wouldn't be ignoring her like she never existed.

There's a drinks table in the corner and she figures a glass or two wouldn't hurt. At least not anymore than it does to see him with some skanky intern.

She picks up a glass of wine and gulps it down fast, barely noticing when Shane appears by her side.

"Dr. Kepner?" He quips politely.

She shakes her head again, "Call me April."

Shane nods and glances down at her glass, "Do you... want to dance?" He's not hitting on her or anything of the sort. She's just been friendly with him lately and this party's kind of boring.

April falters for a second, contemplating the question. If Jackson can hang out and have fun with interns, so can she. "Sure." She smiles, taking his hand and leading him out to where a few people are dancing.

She doesn't even know why anybody is dancing because there shouldn't even be a celebration. The party usually follows the wedding.

And, last she checked, there was no wedding taking place.

She glances around the room the whole time: she's not the kind of person to do this. There's an elderly couple beside her and the way they stare at each other makes her think, reminds her, that she screwed up. There's some slow song playing and she immediately feels awkward and weird.

She can't do this. She can't do dancing. She can't do weddings. She can't do this romance-y stuff, because she knows that she was offered all of those things, a future, a wedding, kids, and she messed everything up and now the guy that was willing to give everything to her is being chatted up by some trollop.

Shane frowns down at her, "Are you okay?" He notices how fidgety she's getting and immediately lets go of her arm, "April?"

The redhead swallows a breath and steps away from him, which he kindly allows, "I'm sorry. I have to-" She folds her arms over her chest and walks off, heading down the hallway.

Not too far away, Jackson watches as she leaves the room, clearly stressing about something. He frowns and looks down at his date, "Will you excuse me for a sec?"

Stephanie nods with a smile, heading over to talk to Shane when he walks away.

She's not an idiot. She knows where he's going.

"Where's your date going?" Shane asks her.

She raises an eyebrow, "To find your date."

* * *

He watches the way her green dress flows behind her as she hurries away, noticing the way she grabs the hem as though it's long enough for her to trip.

Jackson follows her, turning the corner to find her leaning against a door.

"Can you leave me alone?" She asks quietly, not even glancing up at him, "Please?"

He ignores her request and steps closer to her, resting a hand on her arm. "April-" She cuts him off with a groan and lets her head fall.

"I shouldn't have done it, OK? I know that now." She begins, "I shouldn't have set you up with her because I can't stand it. I can't. And... I know. I know it's insane and ridiculous and... whatever. I mean, why the hell am I upset? Were we even a thing? I have no idea. But I shouldn't have done that, have forced you to bring her as a date because I wasn't confidant that I could control myself around you at a wedding. And, why? I mean, it's not like we were married or engaged or anything. And I'm also sorry about about that. I'm sorry that I made you think that I didn't want to marry you because, believe me, I would. I would. If it was right and you asked me, I'd marry you. I mean, who wouldn't? You're perfect and I'm a mess. I'm a mess that threw everything away because I was insecure and because I thought you just wanted sex. I didn't think you had feelings, and I'm sorry." She takes a breath and starts crying, "I'm so sorry."

When she's finally finished rambling, Jackson softly smiles down at her and grasps her shoulders lightly, "Are you done?"

April looks up at him, "Why am I crying?" She asks as though he has the answer. "I shouldn't be, I really shouldn't. Ben is the one who should be crying because Bailey's like left him and it's crazy because I remember she told me once that he was _it_, you know, he was all she wanted. And then a while ago when I thought I was pregnant, I got to thinking that maybe you were my Ben. Maybe you were _it_ for me because you were offering me everything I ever wanted and more." She bites her lip and eyes his mouth, "Isn't that just the dumbest thing you've ever heard?"

He doesn't reply, instead just repeatedly kisses her face, her cheeks, her forehead, her nose. April puts her hands up as if to fight him off but she can't. And it's probably because she knows that she doesn't want to. She doesn't want him to stop kissing her. She doesn't want him to stop touching her.

Her hands travel up his chest until her fingers start to undo his tie and he cups her face, kissing her square on the lips passionately.

She feels herself move backwards when he opens the door behind her. Coat closet. She leans against the doorway and gently laughs when he grabs all the jackets and tosses them onto the hallway floor before pulling her into the small room and shutting the door locked.

Jackson's fingers tangle in her hair and pull it down from her up-do as she pushes his jacket from his shoulders and loosens his tie. Her back hits the door and he pulls the necklace away from her to toss it onto the floor so he can kiss his way down her chest.

_Strapless_.

April spins herself around and presses her hands up against the door so he can unzip the back of her dress.

He pulls her hair to the side and gently places kisses down the base of her neck to her shoulder-blade as he takes his time to pull down the zipper of her dress.

_Tight_.

She moans when the zip reaches the bottom of her dress and he slips his hand down her back lingeringly, touching her bare skin.

"I can't give you everything." He tells her, pinning a hand beside her head on the door. He stills behind her, the fingers of his other hand running down her back. "But I can give you this." She turns around and eyes his face, resting her hands on his shoulders comfortably.

With a smile, she bites her lip and unbuckles his belt. "Well... I only want you anyway."

It's not a lie. If that's all he can give her now, himself, she'll take it. She wants him, only him, so she can settle for not having the rest of it. She can live without the big fancy wedding and the twelve kids if it means that she gets him. Because, even if she had all of those things, it wouldn't mean anything without him by her side.

He leans down and kisses her again, speaking against her lips as he pulls up on the bottom of her dress, "This is pretty tight."

She giggles and brings him closer, her fingers caressing over the scruff on his face.

Yes. He's her Ben.


End file.
